Adolescent and Communication

Adolescence, which is the period of the most enthusiastic, exciting and strong emotions of life, is also one of the most anxious, unsettled and depressive periods. It has been a challenging situation for every parent to establish healthy communication with the adolescent, whom we sometimes see as adults and sometimes encounter with childish attitudes. Researches made shows us that; during adolescence, parents are more frequently in conflict with the same gender of them (girls with mothers, boys with fathers). In addition, most of the discussions among parents and adolescents are between mothers and adolescents.

So, why is the adolescent in conflict with parents? As there are many answers to this question, one of the most effective case is the search for independence of the adolescent individual. Adolescents want to make decisions, organize their own life and do all these on their own without the intervention of anyone. Because in this period, in the mind of the adolescent individual’s, the thought of “My parents know everything” is replaced by “How will my parents know? Is their time the same as my time? I know better”. For the adolescent who needs independence, home has become the place where communication problems are experienced most of the time. Because the young individual desires to show that he/she is different with his/her need for independence and to complete identity development.

For establish a healthy communication with the adolescent and to minimize the conflicts that may be experienced in this period, we can list some of the points that should be paid attention while communicating as follows;

 

• The relationship based on trust between the adolescent and the parent,
• The fact that the parent has accepted the role of parenting on the adolescent, and has made it felt to the young person with elements such as love, interest, family belonging,
• Trying to reveal the positive features rather than focusing only on the negative aspects of the adolescent,
• Parents should pay attention to the young person’s effort to hide the agenda for the parents in the face of a problem,
• Parents avoiding advice while communicating and taking on the role of a secret follower about the youth’s life,
• Parents can focus on what they say during communication with the adolescent and make them feel understood by asking questions (how do you think it should be? etc.),
• In addition to the parent’s occasional summary and expositions during communication, instead of criticizing the young person, providing an evaluation of the behavior ,
• Parent empathizing with the young person while communicating and making the young person feel this.

In addition to all these, the way to establish a good communication with the young individual is to be a good listener. No matter how angry or worried we could be, it is important that we as parents control our emotions and understand the young person. Thus, the parent will not only prevent potential conflicts, but also ensure that the feeling of being understood will not cause negative feelings and thoughts in the mind of the young individual.

 

Elif DEMİRER

Specialist Psychologist/Child-Adolescent Psychotherapist